


I've Been Dreaming of a True Love's Kiss

by livlaughplay03 (orphan_account)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Also Julia/Kravitz for awhile, Alternate Universe - Enchanted (2007) Fusion, But it's based off a disney movie so not THAT slow, But that's not permanent at allll, Curtain Destroying, F/M, Family Dynamics, M/M, Magnus/Taako at the beginning???, Rating for Language, Slow Burn, Thats right yall are getting some enchanted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-18 19:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13107282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/livlaughplay03
Summary: Taako's wedding day was supposed to be perfect. He would get married to his true love (who he just met), and live happily ever after. But instead, he ended up being pushed down a well into a world where there are no happily ever afters.Kravitz just wanted to marry someone who could care for his son, Angus. Instead he got a man who's convinced he's from a fairytale land who he might just be in love with.(Enchanted AU)





	1. Scene One: The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been wanting to make this for awhile?? Anyways be prepared for some good ol' disney style slow burn.

Once upon a time, there was a fantastical kingdom known to those who lived there as Faerun. It was ruled by a selfish king, who went by King John. All of his citizens called him The Hunger, as he ruled with an iron fist and devoured anything or anyone who opposed him. He feared the day that his step-son, Prince Magnus, would marry and take his throne. So he did everything in his power to keep Magnus away from the most powerful thing in the world: True loves kiss.

Yet in another part of the kingdom lived an elf. He went by the name of Taako, and he wanted nothing more than to marry his prince and share true loves kiss with him. So of course when he dreamed of dancing with a handsome, muscular man, he fell in love instantly. Currently, Taako was building a statue of his true love, with the help of some friends. 

“Oh Roswell, you should’ve seen it!” Taako was delicately adjusting the acorns that represented his true love’s eyes. “We were dancing, holding hands, he was so strong!”

A chipper red bird landed on the shoulder of the statue. “I’m sure it was lovely, Taako!” The bird chirped, in a surprisingly southern accent. 

“Alright m’dudes!” Taako swept his leg across the floor, scooching an array of animals away from the statue. “I introduce to you, my one true love!”

Taako gestured dramatically at the statue, before gasping in horror. “Hey! What’s wrong?” Roswell flew next to Taako’s head. 

“He doesn’t have any lips! This is a disaster!” Taako placed a hand over his forehead before falling onto a conveniently placed couch. 

Roswell landed on the arm of the couch, tilting his head curiously. “Does he need lips?”

Taako sprung up dramatically! “Of course he needs lips! When you meet someone that’s meant to be, you need to do something to show them you love them!”

Two rabbits from the back hopped towards Taako. “Do you pull each other's tails?”

“Elves don’t have tails.”

“Do you feed each other seeds?” Roswell chirped. 

“We don’t eat seeds like birds do, bubula.” Taako stood up from the couch, wrapping his arms around the statue. 

“True loves kiss,” Taako sighed, tracing where the lips would be with his fingertips. “It’s what we all need before we can have a happily ever after.”

In a burst of motion, causing his pale pink dress to flurry, Taako spun towards the animals. “Alright m’dudes, it’s time to find a pair of lips! Head out into those woods and get me a pair of kissers!”

All the animals simultaneously nodded, before jumping out the window of Taako’s treehouse. They all gathered all the supplies they could, ranging from a twig to a caterpillar. The twig would’ve worked, had Taako not accidentally stepped on it. The caterpillar just didn’t want to cooperate. Taako sighed in defeat, before falling onto a different conveniently placed couch. “I’m never going to find true loves kiss!”

“That’s not true, Taako!” Roswell floated down onto Taako’s forehead. “I’m sure you’ll find it soon enough!”

\---

Meanwhile, deep in the forest, Prince Magnus was hunting ogres, accompanied by the King’s assistant, Merle Highchurch. Magnus was currently standing atop an ogre’s back, it’s legs wrapped in rope. “Watch out below!” Magnus shouted, before tugging at the rope. 

Consequently, the ogre fell face first onto the ground. While Magnus was wiping his hands of dirt, Merle ran up to him, writing something in his notebook. “Amazing! That’s the fifth ogre this month! Oh, don’t you just love hunting ogres? Big ogres, small ogres, ogres ogres ogres!”

Magnus sighed. “I love hunting ogres as much as the next guy, but I can’t help but feel I’m missing… something. I long to hold someone close while we tend to a million dogs together.”

“Sure that sounds nice, but wouldn’t it be better to keep ridding Faerun of ogres?” Merle offered.

“But I want to find true love!”

At that moment, a loud and musical “AH MOTHERFUCKER” came echoing through the woods. Magnus turned his head towards the shout. “Did you hear that, Merle?”

Merle began to panic. “No! Of course not! Hear what? That was my stomach, clearly!”

Magnus hopped off of the ogre, running towards the sound. “It must be them! My one true love!”

“King John isn’t going to like this--” Merle was interrupted by the ogre behind him sneezing. Loudly.

Merle had an idea. 

\---  
Taako was holding his toe, having just stubbed it on one of his many couches. “Fuck! Motherfucker! Shit!”

Roswell flittered over to Taako. “Are you fine, Taako?”

Taako waved him off. “Of course, a little stub isn’t going to hurt Taako!”

“You were just releasing a string of swears.”

“Acting!”

Taako sat on the couch nearest to the window. “Taako, do you really think your prince is out there?” Roswell asked. 

Taako sighed, turning towards the rest of the animals in his home. “I have to. I have to believe he’s out there.” 

Right then and there, the large eye of an ogre peeked into Taako’s window. 

“Eye- eye- eye-” The animals began to mutter. 

“I what?” Taako asked. 

“I eat you now!” The ogre shouted.

Turning towards the window, Taako basically jumped out of his seat. “Shit!”

The ogre reached in through the window, attempting to grab Taako. Just in time, the elf shoved his statue towards the ogre’s hand, escaping out of a side window. “Hey!” The ogre exclaimed, “Cheating! I supposed to eat you!”

Taako scampered up the roof, airy dress getting caught on loose roof tiles and branches. “Fuck!” He yelled, climbing onto a loose tree branch. His dress was now intertwined with the branch, he couldn’t move. 

“Worry not, I’m here to save you!” Taako looked down, to see a familiar face. His prince, now conveniently on a horse. 

“Hachi-machi,” Taako sighed, taking in the sight before him. True love below him, imminent death trying to eat him. Huzzah. 

The ogre was now only feet away from grabbing Taako, climbing onto the branch with the elf. “Roswell! A little help here!”   
The red bird fluttered over to Taako, attempting to get his dress untangled. He landed on the branch, only to be that little extra weight needed for the tree to break. The tree snapped back, causing the ogre to fly backward, and Taako to slip off the tree. 

As Taako was falling, he accepted death. Well, he accepted it, until he landed in the strong arms of the prince below him. “It’s you! It’s really you!” Taako held his prince’s face in his hands. 

Magnus laughed awkwardly. “Yes, it’s me. And you are?”

“Taako.”

“Taako! We shall be married in the morning!” Magnus placed Taako onto the horse with him, wrapping his arms around Taako’s waist. 

“Hell yeah!”

\---

King John sat in front of a magical mirror, watching his step-son ride off with his love. He grits his teeth, before punching the mirror. “So that elf thinks he can take my throne?” 

Wiping blood from his fist, the king laughed darkly. “Not on my watch.”

At that cue, pillars of multicolored gems sprouted from the walls, encasing the king, all while he continued to laugh.

\---

True to his word, Prince Magnus had the entire wedding planned by the next morning. In a rush, Taako and all of his animals had created an elegant and intricate dress, complete with lace butterflies and a tiara. Somehow, they had gotten a carriage, pulled by a binicorn. Nobody knows how it got there. 

The carriage pulled up to the castle, which shimmered in the morning light. Merle approached the carriage quickly, and as he was about to open the door for the groom-to-be, Taako kicked open the door. “Geez, watch where you’re going!” 

Taako pulled himself through the door, dress barely making it through the narrow exit. Roswell followed behind him, along with a dozen other animals. “Taako! You dropped your tiara!” Roswell flew above Taako’s head, dropping the tiara atop it. 

“Thanks, little buddy!”

A few other animals put finishing touches on the dress, bunnies tying a sash around his waist, birds draping a necklace around his neck. Taako rushed through the large doors of the castle courtyard and just as his animal friends were about to follow, Merle slammed the door on his face. “Hey! You can’t do that!” Roswell chirped angrily. 

Roswell flew up the walls of the courtyard, attempting to get in himself. Yet as he was about to cross in, a barrier of sorts stopped him. Magical in nature, it was invisible to the naked eye. “What in tarnation…”

\---

Taako was rushing ahead of Merle, carrying his dress in his hands. “To think that in a few moments, I’ll be married!” Taako exclaimed, grinning wildly. 

“Yes yes--”

“Magnus and I!”

“Yes--”

“He and I-- Oh!” 

In front of Taako stood a stout old man, wrinkles on his face prominent and dark cloak over his head casting shadows across him. “Hachi-machi! You’re old!”

The old man took a step back, offended. “Well… you look lovely, don’t you?”

Taako tried to maneuver his way around the old man, but the man mirrored his every step. “Excuse me old guy-- but I really need to get to my wedding!”

“But I have a wedding gift for you!” The man grabbed Taako’s wrist, dragging him towards the center of the courtyard. “A wish in the wishing well!”

“But all of my wishes are about to come true!” Taako tried tugging his wrist away, but the man persisted. 

“A wish! On your wedding day!” The man pulled Taako to wishing well, an extravagant display with a twinkling waterfall and ivy vines. 

“Oh wow,” Taako marveled at the display before him.

“Now, lean very close, and make a wish!”

Taako leaned into the well, taking a deep breath. “And we both lived happily ever--”

Taako, sadly, was interrupted. By a pair of hands shoving him into the well.

Roswell saw the whole display from atop the wall. “Prince Magnus!” Roswell began flying away from the wall. “Prince Magnus! We’ve got an emergency!”

Down by the well, the old man chanted something in Latin, before transforming back into King John (wow who woulda guessed). Merle approached him fearfully, eyes wide. “Where did you send him, sire?”

“To a place where there are no happily ever afters.”


	2. Scene Two: Divorce Lawyers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz barely has time to manage his son, let alone a full grown man in a sparkly white dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then it was time for my boys! I love Angus so much it's ridiculous.

New York City. A city where dreams come true.

Well, dreams come true, as long as you aren’t a divorce lawyer. Kravitz was one of those divorce lawyers. He was seated at a long table, two women arguing in front of him fiercely. “You can’t have Shauna!” The tall woman shouted.

The stout woman leaned over the table. “You only want Shauna because I want her! So there is no way in hell I’m letting you get Shauna, Sloane!”

“Ladies!” Kravitz was rubbing his temples in annoyance. “I’m getting confused. Who’s Shauna?”

Sloane, the tall one, turned to Kravitz in a huff. “Our car? Fastest car in the entire derby.”

“A car? That’s what this is about?”

“You never loved Shauna like you loved me, Hurley!” Sloane cried out.

“You never loved me like you loved Shauna!”

Kravitz stood up in annoyance. “Alright, I’ve got to get home to my son. Let’s wrap this up. Barry?” The other lawyer turned towards him. “Can we do this 9:00 tomorrow?”

“Of course.” 

Kravitz packed up his notes, walking out the door. As we approached the exiting elevator, a woman in a slick black suit approached him. “How’s the case going?”

“Not great, Raven. They were just arguing over a car. They named the car.”

Raven chuckled. “I’ve seen worse. I had a couple awhile ago who couldn’t decide who got their favorite baseball card.”

“God…”

Raven placed a hand on Kravitz’s shoulder. “After a whole day of that, you still wanna get married?”

Chuckling a bit, Kravitz brushed Raven’s hand off his shoulder. “It’s not like that with Julia and I. Most people get married on a romantic whim. We’re rational. I need someone to help raise Angus, she wants a child to raise.”

Raven sighed. “So no romance for you? Ever?”

“Ever.”

“Have you told Angus yet?” Raven raised an eyebrow.

“I’m telling him tonight,” Kravitz pressed the down button on the elevator. “I got him a present to ease him into it.”

“With news like an engagement, you better be getting him a pony,” Raven laughed. 

As the elevator doors opened, Kravitz stepped in. “I got him something even better. 

\---

In a cab, Kravitz and his son, Angus, sat riding home. Angus was holding a huge book in his lap flipping through it excitedly. “A book! Thank you sir!”

“I know it isn’t the astrophysics book you wanted, but I figured that a book on strong and smart women would be just as good.” Kravitz put a hand on Angus’s head, ruffling his hair slightly.

“Rosa Parks! Madame Curie!” Angus held the book so that Kravitz could see as well. “Madame Curie dedicated her life to research until she died from radiation poisoning!”

“Maybe you could write your own book on these women since you know so much.”

Angus shut the book in his lap. “Oh no, sir. I might be the smartest boy in all of New York, but I can’t write.”

Kravitz’s phone began to ring at that second. “Hello? Oh yes, Tomorrow morning at 7:30 will do nicely. Thanks.”

As Kravitz hung up, Angus leaned over to his father. “Who was that, sir?”

“Julia. She’s a lot like the women in your book.”

“She’s awful nice, sir!”

“Mhm. I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

Angus’s eyes widened. “What?”

Kravitz felt a small worry settle down in his chest. “You like her, don’t you?”

Angus fiddled his thumbs. “Of course I do. But will I have to call her my mom?”

“You won’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, Angus,” Kravitz reassured.

Angus let out a sigh of relief. “But,” Kravitz began, “She is going to take you to the university tomorrow. As a bonding sort of thing.”

“That sounds just fine sir!” Angus turned towards the window of the cab, shoulders stiffening. “Sir? There’s someone on that billboard!”

Turning towards the billboard, Kravitz saw it was just an ad for the Grimauldis Castle Casino, complete with a shining pink castle and someone in a dress knocking on its door. “That’s just a mannequin, Angus.”

“No, sir! I swear they’re real!” Angus opened the door of the cab, running towards the billboard. 

“Angus!” Kravitz opened his own door, chasing after Angus. 

“Sir! They’re really up there!” Angus pointed to the person, who was indeed, shouting utter nonsense.

“I swear to god, if you don’t open this door right now I’ll burn a spell slot on you, ya hear me?” The man atop the billboard stomped his foot, pointing at the door angrily.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Kravitz yelled up to the man.  
The man turned towards Kravitz, face lighting up as he did. “Oh! Can you help me get these bastards to let me in their--”

At that very moment, the man toppled off the billboard, due to leaning too far forwards. Kravitz luckily was able to catch him in his arms, bridal style. “How did I do tha--”

The man hopped out of Kravitz’s arms, landing straight on his feet. “Believe it or not--” the man began wiping the dust off his pristine white dress. “That is the third time I’ve fallen off of something in 48 hours.”

“What were you doing up there?” Kravitz asked. 

“Well, you see, I was trying to get those fuckers to offer me some help, seeing as I just traveled dimensions or some shit. But they wouldn’t answer their doors!”

“Yeah, welcome to New York,” Kravitz said sarcastically.

“Thanks, hot stuff. I’m Taako,” Taako did a little curtsy, smiling. 

“Kravitz. Do you need me to call someone for you?” Kravitz began to pull out his phone. 

“Oh, I don’t think they’d hear you from here,” Taako said in all seriousness.

“...Right. Here, why don’t you ride home with us?” Kravitz gestured towards his cab.

“Well, I don’t see how that’ll work without horses to pull it, but whatever you say, man.”

Kravitz sighed. This was going to be a long night, wasn’t it?

\---

Kravitz lived in a rather nice apartment building. Sure it had its fair share of crazies, such as the guy on floor five who was convinced the moon held a secret government operations base or the spider trainer on floor one. But it was otherwise completely normal. “So you see,” Taako was struggling to pull his thick skirt through doorways. “Then the old son of a bitch pushed me down the well, and I landed in the middle of a street, surrounded by horseless carriages.”

“Must’ve been a rough day for you,” Kravitz rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, it really was! But I’m sure Prince Magnus will come and rescue me by morning, then we can indulge in true love’s kiss.” Taako sighed, smiling gently. 

“True love's kiss?” Angus asked.

“Right,” Kravitz rubbed the bridge of his nose. “So, what’s with this dress of yours?” 

“Do you like it? The gnomes helped with the hemming, and the rabbits collected all the silk. I threaded it on my spinning wheel though. I pricked my finger, like, 10 times,” Taako rubbed his pointer finger subconsciously.

“You’re very accident prone,” Kravitz said while unlocking his apartment door.

“And you’re very annoyance prone, bubula,” Taako retorted. 

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

The trio entered the apartment, Taako almost ripping his gorgeous gown. The apartment was a trash fest. There were books and notebooks all over the floor, leftover Walmart brand cookies resting on the coffee table. “Do you not have any animals to clean for you?” Taako asked, brushing crumbs off the inconveniently placed couch. 

“Most people don’t, sir!” Angus put his hands behind his back, beaming up at Taako.

“Let’s get you a car,” Kravitz sighed, again pulling out his phone. 

Taako plopped down on the couch, Kravitz migrating into the kitchen. He could not wait to get this man out of his house. Sure he was rather beautiful, but he was engaged. Kravitz was a loyal man, and Julia was an amazing woman. He was fine just the way he was. 

Angus waddled into the kitchen, cleaning his glasses on his shirt. “Sir? Taako fell asleep on the couch.”

Kravitz set his phone down to see that Taako indeed had fallen asleep. “No, no no no this is unacceptable.” 

“Why can’t he sleep here, sir?”

“Because we don’t know him, Angus.”

“I’m the smartest boy in all of New York! I trust him, isn’t that enough.”

Kravitz took a deep breath. “Fine. But only for one night. Then he leaves.”

Angus lit up. “Thank you, sir! You won’t regret it!” Angus went rushing to his room, beaming the whole way.

With yet another sigh, Kravitz looked at the sleeping figure of Taako. 

What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz doesn't deserve this kind of stress
> 
> Also sorry this is shorter, I'm trying to find natural breaks in the movie. Hopefully chapter three will be longer!
> 
> Again I invite you to come and chat with me on my tumblr, musidoodle.tumblr.com


	3. Scene Three: Pest Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako tries his hand in sewing, Kravitz deals with relationship drama, and Magnus muses to a total stranger.

Awakening amidst mess, Taako was immediately torn from his dreams of Faerun and marriage. His hand was in a pile of dirty sweaters, nose filled with the stench of a stained couch. “Yeesh, these two really need to learn some basic cleaning skills.” 

Taako opened the glass doors of the balcony, whistling as loud as he could. Through some sort of unexplained fairytale bullshit, most every pigeon, rat, and termite heard Taako’s whistle. Then through even more fairytale bullshit, each and every vermin decided to come to Taako’s aid. Floods of rats came out of the sewers, flocks of pigeons flying through the sky, termites scurrying out of cracks in walls. It was utterly disgusting.

Even our dear Taako thought it was gross. “Hachi-machi! These are not my normal crowd!” Taako lifted his foot up a bit, as to not have any of the animals touch him. “Well, we’ve got work to do!”

And so began the long, and odd, process of cleaning the apartment. While Taako did everything that required hands, the animals did an unexpected amount of work. Pigeons cleaned up the generous amount of dirty laundry and were able to brush most of the crumbs off of the couch. Termites cleaned the majority of the bathroom, while rats did the dishes and dusting. The gigantuan mess that had been just awhile ago was gone within the hour. 

Just as the mess was cleaned up, Angus awoke. Hearing the fluttering of wings and patter of small feet, he went out to investigate. Despite being the smartest boy in all of New York, not even Angus could’ve predicted that there would be dozens of vermin in his apartment. In a panic, the boy went to wake his father. “Sir! Sir! Wake up, wake up this instant!”

Kravitz groaned and shoved his face into his pillow. “Five more minutes.”

Angus pulled the blankets off his father. “Now, sir! You have to get up!”

Begrudgingly, Kravitz rose from his bed. Rubbing his eyes he followed the eager Angus into the living room. Upon seeing the squadron of animals in his home, and Taako nowhere to be seen, Kravitz rushed in (whoa there that’s Magnus copyright bucko). “Angus! Get them out!” Kravitz began shooing animals out of his apartment. 

Angus plucked rats up off the floor, pushing termites with his socked foot. “Where do I put them?”

“Get them outside!”

Both Angus and Kravitz began throwing rats out the door, pigeons out the window, and releasing the termites into the hall. It took ten minutes to ensure all the animals were out of the home. In that time, Kravitz realized the shower was on. “Oh god…”

Opening the bathroom door, Kravitz was greeted by a half-naked Taako, drying his hair, struggling to pull on a very familiar dress. “Oh, hey hot stuff!” Taako did the final pull on his dress, having it unravel around his feet. 

“Where did you get that dress?” Kravitz asked worriedly. 

“I made it! You just had the fabric laying around, unused!”

“What do you--” Kravitz just realized where he’d seen the blue floral pattern before. “You didn’t use the curtains, did you?”

“The fuck are curtains?” Taako asked, pushing a bobby pin into his hair. 

Kravitz dashed back into the living room, to see that the curtains indeed had fabric patterns cut out of them. “Taako--”

Right then, someone knocked on the front door. “Shit. Taako, stay in here. Do NOT come out of here.” Kravitz shut the bathroom door, rushing to answer the front. 

There stood Julia, a short and stocky woman with dark skin and sparkling eyes. “Hey Krav. Angus ready for me to take him to school?”

“Of course--”

The bathroom door clicked open. “Hey, hot stuff? The fuck is this?” Taako was holding a hair dryer in his hands, eyebrows raised quizzically. 

Julia stared at Taako in shock, mouth agape. “Kravitz, who the hell is this?”

Taako dashed over to Julia, dropping the hair dryer in order to shake her hands. “I’m Taako, y’know, from Faerun? I was just on my way to get married--”

“He’s MARRIED?” Julia’s shock was turning to anger by the moment. 

“Julia this isn’t--”

Julia pulled her hands away from Taako’s, eyebrows pinched together. “I think that this is EXACTLY what I think it is, Kravitz.” Julia marched away from the apartment, fists curled at her sides.  
“Julia!” Kravitz huffed in defeat, shutting his apartment door. When he turned around, all he saw was a fully dressed Angus being poured a bowl of cereal by Taako. 

“Have you ever had cinnamon toast crunch, Taako?” Angus asked curiously, pouring himself a glass of milk. 

“I don’t even know what toast is, bubula,” Taako chuckled. 

“Taako? Can I speak to you for a moment?” Kravitz asked, annoyance clear in his voice.

By clear I mean anyone other than Taako would’ve noticed it. “Of course, sweetheart!” Taako skipped over to Kravitz, who guided him to the hallway.

“I’m sorry Taako, but you need to leave.”

Taako’s face immediately filled with fear. “What? But we haven’t found Magnus yet!”

“I’ll get you a train, bus, whatever. I just need you to go.”

“You don’t sound very happy with me,” Taako pierced his eyebrows together.

Kravitz rubbed his temples. “Because I’m not! I’m annoyed! I’m angry!”

“The fuck is angry?”

“An unpleasant emotion? The literal opposite of happy?” Kravitz said, confused. 

“I guess I’ve HEARD of it--”

“Well now I have to resolve an unnecessary problem with Julia, thanks to you.”

Taako crossed his arms. “For some reason I feel that you aren’t actually thanking me.”

 

“Ya think?”

“Why is it such a big deal! She’s angry, she’ll probably get over it.”

“Because we are-- were going to get married, and now she thinks that you and I--”

Taako gasped dramatically. “Kissed?”

Kravitz sighed. “Something like that.”

A clearing of the throat came from beside the duo. Both turned their heads, to see a very impatient Angus, fully ready for school. “Sirs, I hate to bother you but--” 

“School! You need to get to school!” Kravitz began to usher Angus out the door, Taako following curiously. 

“The fuck is school?”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me.”

\---

Back in Faerun, Prince Magnus was hurling himself down a well. Well, not just any well. The wishing well. “Worry not, Taako! I’m coming to rescue you!”

Roswell flew after him. And by flew, I mean fell gracefully down the well. “I’m coming too!” Roswell chirped. 

The two hurtled out of an uncovered manhole, where several construction workers were filling in a sidewalk nearby. “Whoa whoa there partner! You’re not supposed to be in there!” A construction worker approached Magnus hesitantly, at the sight of his regal outfit. 

“You! What’s your name?” Magnus approached the construction worker, grinning wide. 

“...Cassidy?”

“Well, Cassidy. I have to ask, are you in league with the evil man who sent my fiance to this wretched world?” Magnus asked, wrapping his arm around Cassidy’s shoulders.

“...No?”

Roswell fluttered onto Magnus’s shoulders. “Is this woman party to the evil plot, Roswell?”

Roswell attempted to answer, but was unable to answer. Well, all he could answer with was chirps and tweets. “Aw, sorry little buddy. Can’t even talk in this nightmarish world.”

“Are you all good, partner?” Cassidy pulled a bit away from Magnus.

“I’m searching for my one true love, Cassidy! The other half to my heart's duet!” Magnus mused.

“I’d like to find one too,” Cassidy nodded her head. 

Magnus slammed his hand into Cassidy’s back before walking away. “Then keep an eye out, Cass! Till we meet again!”

True to his nature, Magnus rushed into traffic, jumping on top of cars and causing a ruckus.

“I swear,” Cassidy shook her head, “Most people in New York are just gerblins stuffed into a humans clothes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only downside of putting Magnus in the role of Edward is that Edward is so violent??? No rustic hospitality in the slightest.
> 
> Whoa, would you look at that, a link to my tumblr! musidoodle.tumblr.com


	4. Scene Four: Another Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Faerun citizen arrives in New York. Poison apples are distributed. Elves cry.

King John was pacing in front of his wishing well, gritting his teeth and staring daggers at the ground. “So that little forest rat thinks that he can just come crawling back to Faerun, overthrow me, and then cast me aside?”

Merle stood several feet above the king, trimming a hedge in the shape of John. “Of course not, sire! Y’know, there is a chance Magnus won’t find him.” 

The king scoffed. “Oh absolutely. Magnus will give up when pigs fly.”

Then the king had an idea. Leaning against his own hedge leg, the king placed a hand over his forehead. “If only there were someone who cared about me enough to go after Magnus for me.”

The dwarves ears perked up. Merle climbed down the ladder quickly, dashing to the well. “I’ll do it, your highness!” And so the dwarf hurled himself down a well.

\---

Cassidy and her construction crew were just finishing the last touches on the sidewalk when Merle came through the manhole. “Again?” Cassidy sighed. “Alright ladies, let’s help ‘im out.”

The women pulled Merle out of the hole, plopping him in the middle of the street. “Jeez, is your arm made of wood?” Cassidy poked his arm.

Merle instinctively pulled his arm away from the freakishly tall woman. “None of your business is what it’s made of!”

“Lemme guess, you’re looking for the love of your life too?” Cassidy chuckled, elbowing one of her teammates. 

Merle wiped some dirt off his tunic. “No, I’m actually looking for a major annoyance.”

“Merle! Look at this!”

“Speak of the devil.”

Both the construction team and Merle turned their heads to see Magnus, standing atop a bus, about to slice it in half with an ax. “Hey! You can’t be doing that!” Cassidy waved her arms ferociously at Magnus.

“Sire! You need to get down from there!” Merle yelled, also waving his arms.

Of course, Magnus didn’t care. He just sliced his ax through the bus. Inside the bus sat a tall, hairy man holding a bag full of tea leaves. His pleasant busride was interrupted by and ax slicing into his tea leaves, just barely missing him. 

The bus driver whipped her head towards the poor man whos leaves had been spilled. “What the hell?”

The driver stopped the bus immediately, climbing out to see who had disturbed her passengers. “Are you insane?! You sliced my bus open!”

Magnus looked down at the bus driver, raising an eyebrow. “What are you talking about? I just sliced open this monster, saving your life!”

This bus driver was getting more annoyed by the second. “I swear to god, if you don’t get down from there right now--”

“Sire!” Merle came dashing up to the bus, and despite having only ran a few yards, was already out of breath. “Please get down!”

“Aye aye Merle!”

Magnus hopped down from the bus, an eager Roswell following. “Are you with this son of a bitch who slashed my bus?” The driver asked Merle.

“You see, it’s all just a big misunderstandi--” Magnus decided he had had enough of this conversation, and picked Merle up by the waist and ran off.

“Hey! You get your ass back here!”

“Farewell, and good luck to you!”

\---

After dropping Angus off at the university, Kravitz had to drag Taako back to his firm. He’d get Raven to deal with him, he had a case to deal with. “I don’t know who she is but she is rocking that hairdo,” Taako marveled, pointing at a brass statue. 

“That’s a statue, Taako.”

“Oh! I had one of those! I made it to look like Magnus!”

Kravitz looked at Taako quizzically. “And how long have you known Magnus?”

“Well, two days. But I hadn’t even met him yet when I made it. I only saw him in a dream.”

Kravitz decided it was best not to comment.   
The entire elevator ride up to Kravitz’s office was… interesting. Seeing as Taako couldn't help himself from pressing every goddamn button, it took about five times longer than it should have. Arrival on the top floor was… again… interesting.

Hurley and Sloane were still arguing over the car, while Barry and Raven sat impatiently. “Kravitz,” Raven's voice was stern.”you're half an hour late. You better have a good excuse.”

Kravitz rubbed his temples, gesturing towards where he thought Taako stood. Unfortunately, Taako was no longer standing there, instead pressed into the fishtank. “Holy shit! There's fish in this box!”

“Who the hell is he?” Raven asked, piercing together her eyebrows. 

“No idea. Says his name is Taako--”

“Like the Mexican food?”

“That's beyond the point. My point is, I need you to find out where he's from, and get him there. Cheap.”

Taako was attempting to climb into the fish tank. “Yo, do any of you guys have a cup?”

“Quickly, please.” Kravitz marched into the briefing room, followed by Barry and the divorcees. That left Raven with a man literally attempting to sleep with the fishes. 

“So, do you have a cup or nah?”

\---

Merle and Magnus, despite not having any money, managed to find a motel to rest in. Magnus sat on the bed, chatting away with the bugs in the mattress, while Merle stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror.

The dwarf pulled a small bag of mashed up berries off his belt and began to draw an eye on the mirror. As the eye was complete, the mirror swirled to life, revealing King John's face. “Have you found the elf yet?”

“Not yet, sire,” Merle put his head down a bit.

The king narrowed his eyes. “Time is of the essence, Merle!”

“Sorry, your highness.”

King John rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I don't have time for your idiocy. Merle, fill that sink with water.”

After a minute of trying to figure out how the goddamn thing worked, Merle was able to fill the sink with water. Muttering in Latin, John summoned three apples into the sink.

“My king are those--”

“Poison apples? Of course. What else would they be.” The king rolled his eyes.

“You want me to kill him?” Merle's eyes widened.

“It won't be difficult,” the king explained, “just one bite will bring him into a deep sleep. Once the clock strikes midnight, it'll be permanent.”

Merle fiddled his thumbs together. “Isn't that inhumane?”

“As though I care. Just do the job. You have three apples, three chances. Don't blow it.”

“Yes, sire.”

\---

Taako sat on top of Raven's desk, curiously playing with a magnet and paper clip, when Kravitz and Sloane walked in the room. “Krav, look at this! The magic in this small object attracts this swirly metal to it!” The elf pushed the magnet towards Kravitz.

“Great. Sloane, would you sit here for a moment, I've got to discuss something with Raven quickly.” Sloane nodded, seating herself in a large cloth chair.

Kravitz sighed, turning towards his boss. “The meeting went well, we might be reaching a settlement soon. So how's getting Taako home going?”

“Terribly,” Raven groaned. “He has no license, no passport, he doesn't even have a cell. This place he comes from? Faterun?”

Kravitz held up a finger. “Faerun.”

Raven leaned back in her chair. “Whatever. It doesn't exist. There no cities, countries, counties, nothing. Every travel agent I know called me crazy.”

“It can't be a state,” Kravitz ran his hands through his dreads.

“It's more like a state of mind,” Raven remarked. “Taako said it was just beyond the Meadows of Joy and the Valley of Beauty. Where did you find this guy?”

Taako had migrated over to Sloane, holding her hair in his hands. “You're hair is so fucking soft! What kind of magic do you use on this?”

Sloane warrily eyed Taako. “Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner?”

“I use fresh berries in mine, but clearly I need to get some of what you've got,” Taako tsked. “Whoever you're with is one lucky son of a bitch.”

Sloane scooted a bit away from the man, just as Hurley walked in the room with Barry. “Oh! Is this her?”

Hurley glared at Sloane. “Are you talking about me?”

Taako rushed over to the short woman, shaking her hands excitedly. “You're a very lucky woman,” Taako smiled.

Hurley pulled her hands away quickly. “Excuse me?”

Hearing the starting of an argument, Kravitz pulled Taako away from the situation. “I'm so sorry, ladies.”

Once out of the room, Taako raised an eyebrow at his companion. “Why'd you have to remove me from the situation, hot stuff?”

“Taako, they aren't together anymore.”

The elf took a step back. “What do you mean ‘anymore?’”

“They're getting a divorce.”

“The fuck is a divorce?”

Kravitz pierced his eyebrows together. “When two married people don't love each other anymore, they separate. Permanently.”

The elves eyes began to water, his lip trembled. “Forever?”

“Yes?”

Taako held his arms, tears beginning to drip down his face steadily. “Oh no.”

Kravitz placed a hand on Taakos shoulder. “Don't cry, hey.”

Taako wiped his eyes with his free shoulder. “It's just--”

Kravitz placed his other hand on the elves other shoulder. “Hey. Let's just, head out. Take a walk. Sound good?”

Taako nodded, navigating towards the elevator. Kravitz stuck his head in his boss's office, where the divorcing couple was now engaging in a shouting match. “I'll be back asap, I've got business to attend to.”

Massaging her temple, Raven nodded. “Hurry back. Please.”

With a nod, Kravitz was off, assisting the teary Taako off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! And if you don't celebrate, Happy December 25!
> 
> Sorry this is a day later than expected. I was busier than I thought I would be yesterday. Hope you can understand!
> 
> Feel free to stop by my tumblr, musidoodle.tumblr.com or join one of my two aminos! The Adventure Zone or Aeipathy! On both my username is Witchidoodles, so come shoot me a message or yell at me about making Taako cry!

**Author's Note:**

> Bi Magnus is my life btw
> 
> Anyways, come yell about TAZ and Disney with me at my tumblr, musidoodle.tumblr.com


End file.
